A Note To Taxi Drivers Everywhere

Dear Taxi Drivers;

You know me. I’m the person who, at pickup, leans in and asks “do you take credit cards?” even though in many cities it’s THE LAW that you accept credit cards. You almost always reply “yes”. Then, when I get a few miles from my destination, you start with some story about how you just remembered that the card reader isn’t working, or that you only accept Bank of Buttfuck cards or that your receipt printer is out of ink or that the swipe mechanism is jammed with a used condom.

This letter is to let you know that I know you are completely full of shit. The reason I ask BEFORE I get in the car is because I WILL be paying with a credit card. Feel free to spin whatever tale you wish and I will simply sit in the back seat silently until we reach our destination. It will be as if I have gone deaf in the span of our ride together because I will not respond to these tall tales in any way. I will look out the window or busy myself on my laptop or Blackberry, but I will not respond.

When we reach our destination, I will exit the taxi with my belongings and will hand my card through the window despite your tale of credit card woe. When you reiterate why it will only be with tremendous difficulty that you may accept my credit card I will simply respond “I asked when you picked me up and I have no cash. You must accept this card as payment or not get paid.” This is a lie, admittedly. I surely have in excess of two hundred one-dollar bills rolled up in a rubber-band in my pocket for the titty-bar. However, it is because of all the tall tales that taxi drivers have told before you that I always, ALWAYS pay by credit card. Every second of resistance that you now offer will be ticking percentages off your tip. The more you resist, the less tip you will get. Ho! Did you hear that? That’s your tip dropping by 5%! There it is again!

Which is ironic and short-sighted of you. You resist the card because you do not want to make the payment associated with the transaction, but the more you resist, the less you will be paid. Trust me when I say that your net gain will be higher if you do not resist my card. I am a good tipper when I do not have to listen to your bullshit.

Love,

The Bastard Traveler

Lesson: Ask before you get in the taxi and NEVER believe the stories about their card reader. You did your due diligence when you entered the cab and you have the right to refuse payment if they refuse your card. Do not engage them until you have reached your destination and you have the upper hand.

See Also: Woman Says NY Cabbie Punched Her In The Face Because She Wanted Pay With A Credit Card