Dickbag of the Week

When I boarded my Thurs flight last week I notice a fella getting on at the end of boarding, but he’s in row 5. Because almost everyone has boarded and no one wants to pay to check bags, he has to go WAAAAY to the back of the plane to stow his bag. Dumbass.

When the flight lands and seatbelts come off, this guy launches out of his seat and immediately begins plowing back toward the back of the plane toward his bag. “Excuse me … excuse me … my bag … excuse me,” and shouldering through all the other passengers. Douche.

Then, the flight crew comes on to announce that they have mis-parked the plane and need to move it ONE FOOT for the jetway to dock properly. Everyone has to sit down. And everyone does, except … guess who. Dickbag has to be told … firmly … by flight crew to GO BACK TO HIS SEAT (without his bag). He eventually does. They move the plane.

Can you guess what happened next? Seatbelts come off and dude dives into his second linebacker run to the back of the plane. Same deal – shouldering and excusing all the way. Turdburglar.

Now, this guy’s bag was embroidered with the logo of a very large consulting firm, which, while it doesn’t mean he works for them, suggests that he ought to have enough brains to know this is a futile activity. When he gets to his bag, did he expect to shoulder back to the front of the plane again? I have a feeling the other passengers were not going to cooperate with that, especially after having been shoved not once, but twice.

Bonus: To the couple who tried to cut the security line today by asking the slacker guy 20 people ahead of them if they could go ahead of him – you suck! And to the woman who told them NO – you are my fucking hero – the Bitch to my Bastard!

Lesson: Don’t be a dickbag. Unless, of yourse, you are an actual scrotum. In that case, it’s OK.