Stuff the Bastard Likes: Non-Metallic Belts
The Bastard doesn’t like to disrobe for anyone but washee-washee, masseuses, and his Reiki practitioner. Taking off his belt in security adds precious seconds to a routine that the Bastard practices in front of the teevee 12 times every night. Thus the Bastard started a quest to find a non-metallic traveler belt.
To his surprise, such an object is fairly uncommon and is either hellaciously overpriced or of dumbass [TM] design. The Bastard looked into making his own but his sewing machine was in the shop. Eventually he found the TDU Belt from the Officer Store – all plastic! No metal! Just like the cops and TSA bullies wear!
Now, when he dresses for travel he puts on his TDU belt and marvels at the minutes that are slowly accumulating in his not having to remove and replace his belt at security. Bastard uses this time in the airport bar, drowning his misery in hard liquor and crap food.
Lesson: Anything you can do to streamline security is, as Martha might say, a “good fucking thing.“
