The Bastard is glad to see the fuckfaces at United get their comeuppance from this gentlemen who was abused by their baggage “handlers”. The Bastard was forced to fly United for a few months but now books with any other possible provider first – even at added expense and inconvenience to himself. The Bastard doesn’t like added expense or inconvenience but United is just that bad.
Lesson: It’s real simple: don’t fly United. If you do, don’t say the Bastard didn’t warn ya.
The Bastard is reposting this hilarious missive because he’s too fucking lazy to write his own post. And for those of you wondering why the fuck the Bastard hasn’t posted lately, get a life. The Bastard is busy, fer chrissakes.
“. . . It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.”
Continue reading The world’s funniest passenger complaint letter sent to Sir Richard Branson »
Lesson: Always document your misery for all the internets to see. And laugh at.
Just when it seems like the airlines can’t possibly soak you for any more fees or invent any new ways to piss you off , one of them goes and takes it to a whole new level. After Anita Cabral bought tickets for 8 passengers to Hawaii six months in advance, United bumped much of her party from their flight and proceeded to lie, lie lie about it…
But that made no sense. Her stepfather had just confirmed his seat, using a different reservation number, so the flight obviously wasn’t canceled.
United threw out another explanation – a computer “lost” their reservations. That made no sense, either. If her reservations weren’t in the computer, why did she get an e-mail telling her to check in?
At last, United confessed. There was indeed a flight, but they’d been bumped from it. Their assigned seats had been sold to someone else.
And of course, United was not interested that the trip was…
a chance for her grown children to see their father, Cabral’s ex, who was in a hospice dying of cancer.
The Bastard is not the litigious type but I’d be beating a path to my lawyer’s door on this one. Fuck!
Continue reading Bad airline stories are nothing like this »
Lesson: The airlines, even more than most companies, can and will take any opportunity to fuck you over. After 60 years listening to customers whine and bitch about service many no longer give a shit about serving anyone. Which is great for the airlines that do care. And you know who they are. If you don’t check here.
Guyanese authorities say a first-class airline passenger was so angry at seeing economy passengers leave a jetliner before him that he yanked open an emergency hatch and slid down the chute.
Continue reading Angry flier uses emergency slide to exit Delta jet »
The Bastard is always delighted to read about other enraged passengers, and particularly those who do deranged shit in fits of anger. It reminds the Bastard that it is only through the monumental societal pressure to conform that Airlines are able to continually degrade we passengers as a matter of course. Occasionally, one passenger will crack and pull a stunt like this and it’s a nice reminder that, despite the arrest and fine, man does indeed have free will – even in the airplane.
Plus, the Bastard has always fantasized about sliding down the emergency slide. Whee! Would probably be killer on the Bastard’s hemorrhoids, though.
Lesson: Chill out, motherfucker. Save it for the blog.
Lesson: Soon you will be paying extra for seat cushions that are not marinated in urine.
Thanks to The Knee Defender for this submission.
The bastard loves nothing more than a vigorous screed against the state of travel, so when one of the Bastard’s minions forwarded along this blog post I was overjoyed to know I would have somewhere to sit:
After a week spent flying from Texas to Virginia to Chicago back to Texas, my verdict is official – air travel is simply wretched. Unless you have the money to decamp to first class, which I do not, it is a soul-sucking, annoying, tiring disaster.
Continue reading If you have nothing good to say about U.S. travel, come sit by me »
One suggestion to the author – let’s ditch the “hecks” and spice it up with some “fucks,” please.
Lesson: The Bastard’s misery is shared by even the sweetest of mom bloggers. And that there are no decent options for travel in the United States short of attaching your tightie-whities to a cruise missile and heading for EYE-RAK!
The Bastard has long been surfing this “series of tubes” but this is the first he has seen of this hilarious and legendary (at least enough for Snopes) PowerPoint presentation decrying the lack of fucking service at a Houston DoubleTree. Perhaps it is the choice of media, the visual aids, the canned art or the snarky style, but the Bastard raises his cup of tepid decaf coffee to these pioneers of Bastardliness! Please to enjoy!
See Also: background info and Snopes.
Lesson: to err is human, to complain, divine. This example of a bitchfest heard ’round the world is a glowing example of the power of Bastard Travelers. The Bastards (and Bitches – props to you Bitches of course) are a power to be reckoned with and they help keep the fuckfaces like Mike at bay.
Why are the Bastard’s nipples erect for the German Airline Personnel discussed below? Perhaps her burgeoning stupidity implies attractiveness – but most likely it is her desire to torment Logan that suggests she is a total BDSM freak. Either way, the Bastard loves when readers share their misery and this reader gets extra points for terms like “fucktard” and “cheesehead” – enjoy!
I took the girly out for a nice weekend trip to Dresden, from Cologne (both in Germany for those cheeseheads who don’t know) with a local airline called Germanwings.
The flight to Dresden went off without a hitch. We packed light, with one day bag for our lunch and a medium-sized backpack for both our stuff. We didn’t really want to check in our bags, so we looked at the size in one of those racks the airlines have by the check-in desk – it fit perfectly and was even well under the 7kg limit. So we printed our boarding passesat the self check-in machine and got ready to board.
When we wanted to fly back, there was no self check-in machine, so we had to wait in line. You guessed it, the bitch at the counter took one look at the bag and said it was too big to carry on. We told her that it was the right size and that we wanted to carry on. She made me weigh it, and it came up at 7.4 (we must have packed differently). So the obvious thing to do for these fucktards to say would be: “Ok, so now let’s weigh the other one and see if it evens out” or “How about you move some stuff from one bag to the other and it should be fine”. Obviously this seasoned traveler thought of that already and quickly moved the stuff from one to the other, put the Jacket on instead of packing it etc.
Nope, this bitch was sticking to her guns, Read more »
