Don’t Go There

Don’t Go There! Is a new blog featuring tortured travelers’ tales of tribulation:

I pulled back the covers to find a dirty, crusty, piece of tissue paper in between the sheets…

Continue reading Don’t Go There! »

While the Bastard appreciates the sentiment and wishes this blogger well, readers should be advised that their nightmare tales should always be submitted to the Bastard first.

Lesson: There are so many fucked-up travel nightmares out there that people like the Bastard and Don’t Go There can document them for entertainment purposes.

Look for the Bastard on Fucking Facebook

Everyone says Facebook is the shit when it’s not broadcasting the crap you buy and your personal info to everyone else. I don’t know why you’d want to be friends with a dick like me but here you go.

The Bastard is Enraged with Envy [Reader Submissions]

A reader shares this tale that fills the Bastard with disgust and hatred:

When I got to the airport, there was nobody in the security line. I could hardly believe it. I breezed through security in less than a minute. As I walked through the airport to my gate, I happened to walk past the one hour earlier Philadelphia flight’s gate, just after the final boarding call. I inquired about the availability of seats, and there were still plenty. So, I hopped on and the plane. The FA had given me a window seat (I go crazy in anything but the aisle), but the last 5-7 rows of the plane were close to empty so I just found an empty row and hunkered down. When I got off the plane, I called the parking shuttle and they were outside waiting when I walked out of the terminal. In the end, I was home at least an hour early.

The Bastard hates you. And also suggests you skip the shuttle and try an airport valet service instead. Thanks to The Knee Defender for his story. Fucking dick.

Tell the Bastard!

The Bastard Traveler knows what a shitty experience traveling can be, and how most of us would sell our grandmother for a 1st class seat for a NAT-JFK flight. He knows that nearly every trip, even the good ones, have a nugget of misery and humiliation that is begging to be shared. Tell the Bastard about it. You can email the Bastard at thebastardtraveler.20.tpk AT xoxy.net or submit your story in the comments below.

And by the way, for you newbies, the AT above isn’t actually “AT” but the @ sign. Get it? I doubt it.

About The Bastard

The Bastard Traveler is a fucking dick who travels extensively for work and pleasure, both domestically in the USA and internationally. He looks for ways to get a leg up on all you morons who travel once a year to grandma’s house and are utterly clueless about how travel really works. He is fucking pissed that you don’t know shit about what you’re doing and that your cluelessness clogs the process like rubber cement in a straw. This blog is to bitch about other travellers and provide tips, tricks and hacks to smart travellers.